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Published:April 29th, 2010 12:19 EST

Dude Calls Lady Fat, She Retaliates By Eating His Ear

By Robert Paul Reyes


"A woman faces first degree assault charges after tackling a man and biting a chunk of his ear.

earIt happened in the 7400 block of Greenwood in Lincoln Wednesday morning. People were leaving a party when investigators say one of the men called Godfrey `fat.`

The remark evidently enraged Godfrey and she chased 24-year old man Christian Bandiola for half a block before tackling him and biting his ear." Read More

I have seen photographs of Anna Mae Godfrey online, and she is indeed chunky. I don`t say this to taunt or tease Godfrey, I don`t want her to come after me and take a bite out of my ear. Journalistic integrity compels me to state all the facts of the case.

I wonder what body parts Godfrey`s husband or boyfriend is missing? When she asks him, "Honey, do these pants make my butt look fat?", I`m sure he answers, "Of course not baby, those new pants make you look like Paris Hilton." Even though Paris and her sister Nicky could fit inside her butt with room to spare.

How was such a corpulent woman able to chase down a man for half a block, and then tackle him? The party ended at 3 a.m. (nothing good ever happens at that ungodly hour), and the man must have been drunk at that time. Another good reason not to drink: You will be too uncoordinated to outrun an obese woman who wants to eat you.

If somebody calls you "fat", and you chase down your accuser and eat him, that just proves that you really are a portly pig who will eat anything in sight.

The injured man will need plastic surgery to repair the damage to his ear, and hopefully Godfrey will lose a few pounds in prison.

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