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Published:November 3rd, 2009 14:52 EST
Paris Hilton Too Evil For Hello Kitty

Paris Hilton Too Evil For Hello Kitty

By Robert Paul Reyes


"The docile little creature with red bow and yellow button nose turns 35 today. And just look at her now! At her inception in the 1970s, few could have known that the cute cartoon would become a global phenom complete with a theme park, TV series and restaurant featuring an image of her sweet whiskered face baked into bread.

Indeed, Ms. Kitty has come a long way from her Japanese homeland. Christian Dior, Cynthia Rowley, Betsey Johnson and Kimora Lee Simmons have all hopped on the Hello Kitty pop icon bandwagon over the years, whisking the kitten around the world in high style." Read More

Little girls everywhere in the world (not just in Japan and the United States) go through a stage where their room is decorated with Hello Kitty merchandise.

Those sweet and precious girls will soon have posters of degenerate rappers and jaded rock stars in their bedrooms -- treasure their days of chastity and purity.

Hello Kitty is a symbol of childhood innocence, and I wish this beloved icon a very happy birthday.

Staring at an image of Hello Kitty is more therapeutic than enjoying a massage or relaxing in a hot tub. Hello Kitty doesn`t have a mouth, so you know she isn`t going to say: What are you staring at? She has big ears, the better to listen to all of your problems. Her paws don`t have any digits -- it`s impossible for her to give you the finger. And you just know she`s never going to turn her cute button nose at you.

The other day I saw something that shook me to the core of my being. I was browsing a tabloid when I spied a pic of Paris Hilton with a Hello Kitty purse. Don a white rob and climb the nearest mountain top, Jesus is coming! Surely this is a sign of the end times.

I almost had a heart attack when I saw this symbol of decadence and corruption clutching a Hello Kitty purse. Paris I plead with you, don`t wear any Hello Kitty accessories. I promise never again to mock you, if you promise to give away your Hello Kitty items to a needy and innocent little girl.