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Published:March 2nd, 2010 16:27 EST
lil' wayne

Top Ten Things Lil' Wayne Can Do Behind Bars

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Barring any colossally unforeseen circumstances (or eight more root canals), Lil Wayne will be formally sentenced and finally turn himself in to begin his one-year prison sentence in New York on Tuesday (March 2)." Read More

 

lil' wayne

TAKE REMEDIAL ENGLISH

Know what I be talkin` about Lil` Wayne? Ya lyrics be wack, full of grammatical mistakes, bro!

LEARN HOW TO KEEP HIS PANTS OFF THE GROUND

In da hood Lil` Wayne may think that he`s styling when he wears his pants half-way down his rear end. But in prison culture when a prisoner wears his pants down his behind, it means he is a "punk" who is sexually available.

LEARN THAT CRIME DOESN`T PAY

Lil` Wayne`s misogynistic and violent lyrics made him filthy rich, but when he lived out his violent fantasies he ended up behind bars. Hopefully, Lil` Wayne will learn his lesson.

LEARN A TRADE

Rappers have very short careers, today`s rap superstar will be flinging burgers tomorrow.

LEARN HOW TO BRUSH HIS TEETH

There`s nothing to do behind bars, except trying to fend off men who want to become a little bit too familiar with you. Wayne might as well learn how to brush his teeth, so he won`t need another gazillion root canals when he leaves prison.

READ

If Wayne reads a few books in the Big House, he might learn that there`s more to life than smoking weed, getting drunk and breaking the law.

LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC

Hopefully Wayne`s cell mate will be a man with a refined taste in music, and who will expose the rapper to Jazz, Motown, and R& B. Maybe Wayne will give up the rap game, and make real music.

LIFT WEIGHTS

Lil` Wayne isn`t called "Lil" in an ironic sense, the rapper is so scrawny he couldn`t put the fear of God in a schoolgirl. He`d better bulk up in prison, or he will be everyone`s favorite plaything.

PRACTICE DICTION

Lil` Wayne tends to mumble, it`s almost impossible to make out what the hell he`s rapping about. If he mumbles behind bars, it will only be a matter of time before a frustrated con knocks him out.

LEARN THAT HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT BLING

Lil` Wayne won`t be allowed to wear any bling behind bars, maybe when he`s free he won`t feel a need to look so gaudy.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Robert