Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:May 13th, 2010 12:31 EST

Cougars Like Madonna An Endangered Species: They Die Early

By Robert Paul Reyes

I may lose my reputation as a card-carrying liberal, but let me state the obvious: It is the natural order of things for a gentleman to have a much younger lady by his side, but it`s an offense to commonsense and nature for a cougar to hang out with a boy toy.

madonnaMy intiuitive wisdom has been borne out by a new study:

"Cougars beware - having a boy toy husband increases a woman`s chances of an early death, according to a German study reported Thursday by the Daily Mail.

And the younger her spouse is, the harder it is on a woman`s health, researchers found.

However, the trend is reversed when an older man opts for a younger woman. The more youthful his wife, the longer the husband is expected to live.",2933,592762,00.html

This is devastating news for the legions of cougars, like Madonna, who have a fixation on young guys.

When an elderly gentleman is having dinner with a gorgeous babe, nobody bats an eye. But when an old hag is being lovey-dovey with a man young enough to be her son, tongues start wagging. Maybe cougars crave the attention, because they aren`t getting any from their husbands and colleagues.

When a cougar is with a wee lad, it only serves to bring attention to her advanced age. Cougars would be well-advised to ditch their young playthings for someone their own age.

When I see photographs of Madonna with her toyboy, Jesus Luz, I don`t say to myself: Madonna is so youthful and energetic, she`s jogging with her boyfriend. I mutter to myself: How freakin` gross, how can that young stud have sex with that old hag without throwing up.

A cougar may be able to keep up with a young man in the bedroom, but if she skateboards, jogs, and shoots hoops with him, it will drive her to an early grave.

Cougars are predatory animals, who will suck the life-blood out of innocent young men. But sugar daddies are kind and benevolent, they are the antithesis of the predatory cougar. It`s gold diggers who seek out rich old guys, not the other way around.

Bottom Line: God, nature (take your pick) will bless gentlemen who have young lovers, but cougars who prey on young men are destined to an early death.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: