August 1st, 2010 11:24 EST
Snooki: Proof That America Is In Decline
Most Americans can`t name the Speaker of the House or more than two of the Supreme Court Justices, but everybody is familiar with pop culture figures like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Snooki.
Nicole Polizzi, known as Snooki by her adoring fans, is the star of the reality show "Jersey Shore." This MTV offering is abominable even by reality show standards, it`s a paen to clownish antics, casual sex and clubbing.
Snooki may have been born in Santiago, Chile but she`s as American as apple pie. Snooki was adopted and raised by Italian American parents, and she represents the cultural and ethnic diversity of our great nation.
Unfortunately, Snooki mostly symbolizes the worst, not the best of our country.
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but most people would agree that Snooki is physically repulsive. Snooki is fat, squat and she`s cursed with a face that only a blind mother could love. In America fame and celebrity trumps everything else, and because Snooki is famous she is treated like a beautiful starlet. America celebrates the gross and the grotesque, is it any surprise that reality shows that bring out the worst in people are such a big hit?
Snooki isn`t known for her talent as a thespian or singer, she`s lionized for her drunken antics and skanky behavior. In America drug-addled and cartoonish behavior is a skill that is highly prized in our entertainers. It doesn`t matter that bimbos like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton can`t act or sign, as long as they know how to flash their goodies and fall down drunk in clubs they will be able to sustain their careers.
Snooki was recently arrested for being a drunken nuisance, and when she sobered up she laughed about it. Snooki`s arrest will no doubt be milked for all its worth in a future episode of the Jersey Shore. Snooki is a brazen scumbag, and there`s no shame in her game. The concept of shame has virtually disappeared, a celebrity can commit the most heinous crime (except child molestation or using the N-Word), and her adoring fans will just laugh about it, and all will be forgiven.
Snooki was wearing a shirt with the word "Slut" in huge letters when she was arrested. Snooki is proud not apologetic about her slutty ways, she realizes that acting like a prostitute will translate into higher ratings and a bigger salary.
Snooki`s agent probably advises his star client: Girlfriend, if you want to remain a star don`t throw away that Slut shirt, and don`t throw away your booze.
Snooki is such a big star, than even I am fantasizing about knocking boots with her. Hey, this nation is doomed, might as well have some fun before I die.
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