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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Man Gets 80 Years For Using Fake Cash To Buy Hot Dog At A Movie Theatre - I can't afford to buy a hot dog at a movie theatre, printing money to be able to afford taking your family to the movies is not so nuts.

Lady Gaga Insists She's Not In A Feud With Madonna - I would pay to see a cage fight between Madonna and Lady Gaga, Madonna may be much older, but she would pummel Gaga with her muscular arms.

Miami Condo: You Will Be Able To Drive To Your 36th Floor Apartment - The futuristic-looking Porsche Design Tower will be a sparkling jewel in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Fake MD Arrested For Injecting Cement Into Lady's Butt! Baby Got Back! - Most guys give a wide berth to a woman with junk in her trunk; if a "Baby got Back" comes our way we tell her to back that booty out of here.

Video: Demonic 'Play And Giggle Triplets' Dolls Swear Like Drunken Sailor - If your child is scribbling "666" on your walls, perhaps it's time to throw her Giggle Tripplets doll in the trash, and replace it with a Cabbage Patch Kids doll.

Daffy Drunk Dude Donning 'Im A Drunk' Shirt Dumped In Drunk Tank - A drunk dude wearing a T-shirt that reads "I`m a drunk" plows into a patrol car of a policeman who was on drunk driving duty: Open and shut case.

Drunk Dude In Porsche Chases Two Ladies Of Dubious Virtue In Pink Hummer - I don't know what's the most deplorable aspect of this incident! A drunk man getting behind the wheel of a Porsche? The two women stealing a drunk guy's money? Or painting a Hummer pink?

OMG! Herman Cain Thinks Taliban Running Libya - Not to put too fine a point on it, but Herman Cain is an ignoramus who has no business running for president.

Outrage! Herman Cain Receives Secret Service Protection! - Republicans should accept the reality that Mitt Romney is their best bet to defeat President Barack Obama, and stop legitimizing clowns and morons like Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain.

Lady Gaga Scares Bejesus Out Of British Baby - The poor baby looked so terrified that I bet she needed a diaper change by the time Lady Gaga handed her back to her mom.

Burglar High On Bath Salts Puts Up Christmas Decorations - I'd rather have an intruder like Trent crash in my house, than my freeloader friends and relatives who watch TV all day, and don't even put up my Christmas decorations.

'Santa Claus Burglar' Stuck In Chimney - This burglar may have been trying to emulate Santa Claus, but he was planning on taking stuff instead of leaving gifts behind.

Sometimes Good Things Happen: Thief Run Over By Her Partner In Crime - Karma bit the lady in her rear end, I'm just sorry the getaway driver wasn't behind the wheel of a Mack truck.

Hero Deputy Who Carried Stunned Doe To Side Of Road Should Be Promoted - PETA honors people who go out of their way to help animals, Swartz deserves to receive an award from the animal rights organization.

Video: Outrage! Adorable Sugar Plum Fairy Fired For Cursing! - I will need years of therapy to erase the image of the Sugar Plum Fairy taking a urine test -- what kind of crazy world do we live in?

Motorcyclist Riding With Pooch Charged With Animal Cruelty - But riding a motorcycle with a dog behind the windshield isn't a good idea, if the bike hits a bump in the road the canine will go flying like a kite.

Lady Upset McDonald's Switched To Breakfast Menu, Beats Up Boyfriend - The young woman with discriminating tastes in fine cuisine was charged with disorderly conduct.

Outrage: Pooch Eats $1,000 In Cash, Owner Pours Peroxide Down Its Throat - Forcing down peroxide down a dog's throat is criminal, and wiping off dung from hundred dollar bills is disgusting.

Dude Runs Out Of Toilet Paper, Goes Bonkers Trashes Hotel Room - The next time MacDonald checks into a hotel room, I pray that the maid won't forget to put a mint on his pillow. God only knows what he might do in retaliation.

Gloria Cain: Herman Cain Respects Women! Right, & Hannibal Lecter Respects His Victims - Maybe I shouldn't be too harsh on Mrs. Cain; I guess the wife of Hannibal Lecter might defend her spouse by saying: My husband totally respects his victims, he always says grace before eating their internal organs.

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