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Published:July 12th, 2010 11:56 EST
anna chapman

Hottie Anna Chapman Deported To Russia: America Mourns

By Robert Paul Reyes

 

"So much remains a mystery about the duplicitous and racy New York life of Anna Chapman, so let this be heard loud and clear: Do svidanya, Anya. My uzhe skuchayem po tebe.

anna chapmanOn Thursday, Ms. Chapman made what is very likely her last public appearance in the city that she bewitched from behind bars, pleading guilty to conspiring to act as an unregistered agent of a foreign government. She was never charged, down the street in State Supreme Court, with burglary, for stealing the hearts of countless New Yorkers, or for conspiring to commit copyright infringement by inspiring many headline puns playing off the 1957 Ian Fleming title, `From Russia, With Love.`" Michael Wilson/The New York Times

The media is infatuated with the telegenic Russian Spy, Anna Chapman, everyone from humble bloggers to writers for the venerable New York Times are singing her praises.

Americans from all walks of life can`t get enough of the Russian hottie, any article with her name on the title is guaranteed to garner a gazillion hits.

Americans are savvy enough to realize that Anna doesn`t pose a threat to national security, she`s as harmless as a kitten. Anna is a threat only to Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, she`s grabbing all the attention from the press.

When Anna Chapman was deported to Russia a million American males shed a million tears. Joe Biden may look like a doofus, but he`s a brilliant politician. When he was a guest on Jay Leno`s show, he declared that it wasn`t his idea to deport the gorgeous spy.

If Obama wants to hit the reset button with Russia and the American people, he should plead with the Russian president to return Anna Chapman to the United States.

If Russian President Medvedev allowed Chapman to return to the United States, America would be forever grateful.

China has earned a lot of goodwill by sending pandas to American zoos, with the stipulation that if the panda gives birth the babies must be returned to China. Medvedev, America begs of you: Send darling Anna to the United States, and any babies she has will be shipped to Mother Russia.

Anna may be Russian by birth, but she`s as American as apple pie. Anna has a Facebook page, and topless pics posted online, just like everyone`s corn-fed American daughter.

Obama and Medvedev are smart politicians, I hope they will conspire to return Anna Chapman to America.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes