March 24th, 2011 15:34 EST
Why Must there Always be a Big Tease?
While I was in the midst of giving birth years ago, the young medical resident, who was lucky enough to get the Christmas Day shift in labor and delivery, tried to explain to me how the hormone Oxytocin worked and how it was going to help me deliver my baby. I will admit that my mind was on other things, so his lecture failed to impress me. Now, had the nurses been able to locate an anesthesiologist who was not downing eggnog and who was willing to come to the hospital to give me drugs before that ever important window of opportunity closed, I might have been more receptive to learning about the wonder hormone.
That was the last time I had heard about Oxytocin until a few days ago. I signed up to listen to this women`s empowerment telephone seminar, and the speakers talked about the benefits of Oxytocin. Apparently, if a woman can find a way to increase the amount of Oxytocin in her body, she has a better chance of success. It`s not a magic bullet, but it does allow women to capitalize on their strengths of warmth, compassion and making others feel at ease.
I looked up Oxytocin and discovered that it is an amazing hormone. It not only helps in childbirth, but it helps women produce milk for nursing plus it reduces stress, anxiety and blood pressure. When higher levels of the hormone are released in the body, it can increase pain thresholds and bring about a warm and fuzzy feeling toward people and animals and pretty much anything that crosses one`s path. That is why it has earned the nickname the "cuddle" hormone.
Some scientists think that Oxytocin, may be responsible for both men and women achieving stronger orgasms. Okay, not all scientists are on board with this theory, but as someone who is pro-orgasm, I will go with the scientists who believe this to be true. I`m not sure if I know anyone who is anti-orgasm, but I`m guessing those are the people who are ordered by the court to go to anger management classes.
Anyway, the women who gave the seminar kept saying there were exercises involving the Vagus nerve that can increase Oxytocin levels. So, I waited and waited for the exercises. Guess what? This info wasn`t part of the free seminar. The women kept teasing about the exercises, and then they would stop and say there wasn`t enough time during the hour to explain the exercises, but they said that at the end of the call there would be a surprise offer that would allow listeners to gain access to all of the secret information. They suggested that listeners stick around for the big finish and they did not mean orgasms. No, they meant taking out a credit card and ordering stuff.
I stayed around. Later in the call, they said there were affirmations women could use that might help release Oxytocin and make women more receptive to empowerment. I waited for a sample affirmation. Again, after they told me how great these affirmations were, they said they had no time to give any free ones out on this call. For ten minutes, they told me why they had no time to tell me affirmations, but again if I listened to the entire call, there would be that surprise offer at the end that would reveal them all to me.
I know these women were out to market their service, but come on, for all the time they wasted telling me what they could not tell me, they could have told me something that would help me build up my Oxytocin so that I could have really great orgasms--I mean empowerment--yeah, that`s what I want-- empowerment.
You know, this is not the first teleseminar that has sucked me into giving my time for nothing. I think these seminar people would get more customers if they were more up front. I would have signed up for the whole thing if they said at the beginning:
"Okay this is the deal. You can listen for an hour and get nothing but teasers or you can sign up now, and pay us $30 and get all the information you want right away."
But they didn`t. They reeled me in with quotes from women who said the telephone seminar changed their lives. I am happy for them, but, personally, I need a little more substance to have a life transformation moment.
So, am I giving up on Oxytocin? No. I already found an exercise online that would aid in releasing more Oxytocin. Would you like to know what that exercise is? I am sorry, I have no time to tell you here, but if you send me $30, the information is yours. You know, it`s sort of fun holding that kind of power. I think my Oxytocin is kicking in.