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Published:May 22nd, 2011 00:59 EST
butter

Stoner Lady Gives Girl, 12, Toast With Spread Laced With Marijuana

By Robert Paul Reyes

"The label on the margarine tub read, "I Can`t Believe It`s Not Butter."

And it sure wasn`t.

Upper Burrell police allege a 22-year-old township woman gave a 12-year-old girl toast with a spread laced with marijuana.

butter

Stevie C. Hickey of Dewey Drive allegedly was babysitting the girl as well as a two younger children in her apartment."

Chuck Biedka, VALLEY NEWS DISPATCH

Real men don`t eat quiche, and they don`t eat margarine or any other butter substitute. I love butter; sometimes I`m tempted to place a stick of butter between two slices of white bread.

If a woman serves me toast smeared with margarine for breakfast, I don`t care how great the sex was the night before, she`s toast.

But if a lady prepared me toast with margarine laced with marijuana, that very same day we would be on a plane to Las Vegas to get married.

Stevie learned how to make the wonderful treat from the Internet, and she told the cops she forgot it was in the freezer. Her explanation sounds plausible to me; she probably was so high that she also left her dirty drawers in the freezer.

The cops should have ordered Stevie to give the young girl a couple of bags of chips, and let her off with a warning.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes