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Published:June 14th, 2011 18:21 EST
Seek Out People Who Add Value to Your Life

Seek Out People Who Add Value to Your Life

By SOP newswire2

The late Virginia Satir, pioneer family therapist, author and consultant, stated that coping with our problems is the real problem in life and not the problems themselves. She placed a great deal of emphasis on the importance of developing a strong sense of self-worth because it is that that generates your capacity to cope. She also believed that when everyone in a family system was committed to developing and fostering self-worth in each other and themselves, it made it possible to cope with life out in the public arena, the outside world.

In this season of radical, unprecedented, accelerated change, accompanied by a high degree of uncertainty, it is more important than ever that you know how to maintain your sense of self-worth. What course can you remember taking anywhere between grammar school and grad school taught you how to maintain a healthy sense of self-worth? It`s an important life-skill, however it isn`t on the "required course" list in school, and it isn`t even offered as an elective. Healthy self-worth is now a more valuable currency and necessary skill to have than ever before. Have you developed it?

Many women that I have talked to, worked with, and coached (from all walks of life, various professional careers, and ethnic and cultural backgrounds) have shared with me that they don`t want to feel as if they are boxed in by those outdated mental models about how the world works that they learned at home or in school years ago. They also don`t want to allow circumstances or the opinions of others to determine the boundaries within which they live out their lives, their dreams, and their desired objectives.

They want the inner resolve to stay focused on maintaining their own internal integrity by guarding the precious commodity of their self-worth. It hasn`t always been easy, and in a current culture that is rife with high uncertainty, it has to be a priority. They have desired to elevate their ability to cope to match their capacity for the greatness within them.

There are a number of factors that effect and influence self-worth, because knowing the concept is not enough. Self-worth is an experience, a deep inner feeling of well-being and respect, and it often fluctuates because the natural tendency is to numb ourselves from our disappointments, setbacks, and pains, especially in relationship to love and acceptance. In a culture of unending rapid change, "tough" seems to be the preference and "transparent" seems to be a sign of weakness.

There aren`t enough role models for being "transparent" in an "image-driven, needs-driven" culture. It`s a culture where there are hordes of psychic-vampires and energy-drainers that want to suck all the self-worth out you (all the more reason to have superb coping skills). Transparent people are comfortable in their own skin and understand appropriate self-disclosure in relationship to others. From a healthy sense of self-worth they give the true gift of themselves to others and they "life" those they touch on a daily basis.

Self-worth begins by choosing to develop and maintain an affirming lifestyle. Maintain your internal integrity by celebrating your full capacity for being human, and feeling all the things a human feels. Value your soul enough to rediscover a life lived from a place of knowing how valued you are, just because you are you, a unique, one-of-a-kind, unrepeatable expression of humanity.

Affirm your humanness, and affirm that your soul is intended to be fully integrated, no enemies within, only allies, every part of your soul supporting every part of the live you are intended to live, so that you can "follow your bliss". Celebrate who you are and get off the insidious treadmill of comparing yourself to others, it is the least affirming thing you can do, and in fact it will infirm you.

Stop trying to be perfect, or project the "image of perfection" to others. It`s an impossible goal. None of us is. When you project that kind of image of perfection you are giving people a hologram, or more accurately a "hollow-gram", and it erodes at your self-worth instead of building it up. Connect with people who celebrate the real you. Detox from relationships that devalue you, it will work wonders for your soul, and will radically change the outcomes you get in life. Learn how to teach others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes, because that is the only way you grow. Seek out other transparent people, who are comfortable in their own skin, and who add value to your life. Don`t be afraid to ask for help, it`s a sign of being healthy and fearless. Finally, keep in mind that self-worth is an inside job, and never forget, YOU REALLY ARE VALUABLE!

By Dr. Mark Chironna


Judyth Piazza chats with Dr. Mark Chironna, Life Coach, Author on The American Perspective Radio Program...