Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:September 3rd, 2011 12:32 EST

Stop The Insanity! Dude Arrested For 'Maliciously Molesting' Vending Machine!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Police in Florida said they arrested a man who `maliciously molested, opened, broke, injured, damaged and inserted his body parts" into a vending machine.`"


Vending machines suffer a lot of abuse, who hasn`t kicked or punched a vending machine when it failed to dispense a product? But this may be the first time in history that a person has "maliciously molested" a vending machine.


Michael Aguiar, 20, has earned the dubious distinction of being the first individual charged with "maliciously molesting" a vending machine.

The police report said Aguiar inserted his "body parts" into the machine. That sounds perverted, painful and desperate.

In the Dark Ages (before the Internet) this story wouldn`t have traveled much farther than Palmetto, Florida, but thanks to the Net Aguiar is a laughingstock all over the world.

This moron is being held in jail without bail, you can bet his fellow jailbirds will make his life a living hell.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: