Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:February 4th, 2012 11:43 EST

Cops Collar Naked Kentucky Hillbilly Burglar Covered In Peanut Butter & Chocolate

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A naked burglar covered in chocolate and peanut butter was arrested early Tuesday after workers found him inside a Kentucky supermarket.

Andrew Toothman, 22, was collared by State Police troopers who responded to a 911 call from the Food World IGA market in the city of Neon (pop. 770). Pictured in the above mug shot, Toothman was charged with burglary, criminal mischief, and indecent exposure. The kids would have appreciated eating something other than fried roadkill."



It takes careful preparation to carry out a successful burglary! Latex gloves? Check! Thingamajig to pry doors open? Check! Smear myself in peanut butter and chocolate? Check! Take off all my clothes except my black boots? Check? OK, now I`m ready to commit a burglary Kentucky hillbilly style!

I bet there are no Neon signs in Neon Kentucky! There are topless girls frolicking in trailer parks, squirrels cooking in crock pots, young men drinking moonshine and watching a "Dukes of Hazard" marathon playing on the Hillbilly Network, but no freakin` Neon signs.

The writer for the Smoking Gun is a gentleman and a scholar, you don`t arrest or apprehend a naked burglar covered in peanut butter and chocolate, you COLLAR him like a wild animal.

Chocolate and peanut butter go great together, but I`m thinking more in the lines of a Reese`s Peanut Butter Cup; I may never eat my favorite candy again.

Folks in Kentucky fry everything, I`m surprised the cops didn`t dump Toothman (great name) in a barrel of cooking oil and fry him for dinner. The kids would have been excited to eat something other than fried roadkill.

I except to get angry emails from the fine country folks in Kentucky, as well as inmates in asylums who have a penchant for getting naked and smearing themselves with chocolate and peanut butter.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter:

Read More:

Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org



Madness In LA: `Catwoman` Clobbers `Jack Sparrow` - I`m not surprised Catwoman got the best of Jack Sparrow, Cinderella would probably be able to beat the daylights out of the fey pirate.

Video: Adorable Kitten Born With Two Faces! - We need to learn to see beauty in everything and everyone, don`t judge a book by its cover.

Sickening: Gisele Begs Friends To Pray Hubby Tom Brady Will Win Super Bowl! - There is a special place in hell reserved for those those like Gisele who have everything in the world, but no sense of perspective.

Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Six More Weeks of Winter! What Winter? - Phil may be an out-of-shape blob like Newt Gingrich, but he would never say that he doesn`t care about poor groundhogs.

Flesh-Eating Bugs Can Be Spread By Coughing, Sneezing and Hugging - Taking the bus to work, instead of driving, may be the politically-correct thing to do, but I`d rather be politically-incorrect but healthy.