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Published:July 8th, 2012 18:28 EST

Dude Barricades Self In Hotel Room! Demands Pizza And To Marry Paris Hilton

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Authorities say 61-year-old Fredrick Denney barricaded himself inside his room at the Hampton Inn threatening to shoot at police.

NewsChannel 36 has learned his demands included pizza and to marry Paris Hilton.


After hours of negotiating, he was pepper sprayed and taken into custody."


Two hours of negotiations? Really?

Crazy dude: I ain`t gonna leave until I get a pizza with sausage, pepperoni, anchovies and green peppers, and send me Paris Hilton wearing a wedding dress so we can get hitched.

Cop: Dude how about if we make it a 2-topping pizza and give you Bristol Palin instead of Paris?

Crazy dude: I`m crazy, but I ain`t that crazy, I wouldn`t marry that round-faced conservative twit if you gave me a dozen pizzas.

The police should have realized they were dealing with a harmless idiot as soon as they heard that he wanted to marry Hilton, and they should have immediately pepper sprayed his room and taken him into custody.

I can`t imagine what a living hell it would be to be married to a pop diva celeb bimbo like Paris Hilton.

Paris: Robert?

Robert: What now? I`m not going to spread rose petals from your bed to the toilet again.

Paris: I want you to smell my poop; I wanna make sure it still doesn`t stink.

Robert (under his breath): All this isn`t worth a minute in the sack each night with this prima donna.

Paris: Stop mumbling and come smell my crap.

Robert: (Reluctantly getting up and going to the bathroom) your poop still smells like the finest perfume in the world.

Paris: I`m still da bomb, Kardashian doesn`t have sh** on me.

Robert: Thud! Jumps off roof of Hilton`s mansion.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org

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