Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:September 3rd, 2012 13:36 EST

Miracle: Snooki's Baby Has Survived For One Week!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Lorenzo`s one week old!!!! Weeeee."

Snooki tweet celebrating that her baby has survived for one week.

You may think "Big Deal", but Lorenzo celebrating one week on this planet is a milestone considering who his mother is, and taking into account the morons she calls her friends.


It`s a miracle that the following things haven`t occurred in the first week of Lorenzo`s life:

The Situation dropping a dumbbell on Lorenzo, rendering his head as flat as a pancake.

JWoww passing out drunk on top of the wee baby, rendering him an unrecognizable blob.

Snooki tripping on her high heels and falling down on her butt right on Lorenzo`s soft head, rupturing it like a watermelon.

Snooki`s fiancé throwing Lorenzo in the dumpster, because he`s not really sure he is the baby daddy.

Honey Boo Boo Child sneaking into Snooki`s house and eating Lorenzo as a snack.

As you can see, it`s a miracle Lorenzo has survived for one week.

Congrats Lorenzo!

Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: