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Published:February 14th, 2013 08:12 EST
Saint Valentine Turns Over in His Grave! History`s Five Rickety-Est Couples of Deadly LOVE!

Saint Valentine Turns Over in His Grave! History`s Five Rickety-Est Couples of Deadly LOVE!

By John G. Kays

Not marble, nor the gilded monuments

Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme,

But you shall shine more bright in these contents

Than unswept stone, besmeared with sluttish time,

When wasteful war shall statues overturn,

And broils root out the work masonry,

Nor Mars his sword nor war`s quick fire shall burn

The Living record of your memory.

`Gainst death and all-oblivious enmity

Shall you pace forth, Your praise shall still find room

Even in the eyes of all posterity

That wear this world out to the ending doom,

     So, till the judgment that yourself arise,

     You live in this, and dwell in lovers` eyes. 

*(Sonnet 55 - William Shakespeare) 

History`s cycle is moved by what these famous or better infamous LOVERS did, within the context of their place and times. What binds them together in stone, is that their love for one another changed history around in synch with the passions, both positive and negative, they felt for each other, that echoed profoundly down the corridor of history`s rickety, cobble-stoned lane. Herein is a gift to you, on mesmerizing Saint Valentine`s Day, that will induce some head-scratching as you eat waxy chocolates and soak in the sounds of Cute Cupidly warbles.

Antony & Cleopatra

The most famous couple world history has ever known, Mark Antony & Cleopatra`s (the last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt) love was consummated in the winter (not of discontent) of 41-40 BC, in Alexandria, but of course. Antony, a considerable wine drunkard, reneged on his duties to the Triumvirate, and languished in Alexandria, consumed by the perfumes of Queenly Cleo, foiled by Bacchus` seductive grape and easternly hocus-pocus by way of Isis, idles away his days and nights in pomp and circumstance, smitten by Cupid`s poisonous barb, courtesy of the beauteous Egyptian Queen, who in her final moment, clung the deadly asp to her sweet breast, and thus ends her life, after a tumultuous and greedy grab for power by ambitious Octavian. 

Abelard & Heloise

Second in the line of rapturous love flames raging the heart with fatuous fire, comes in the mid-twelfth century in Paris, when a French philosopher, Peter Abelard (1079-1142) courts a beautiful lady of letters, Heloise (1101-1164), who came from a lower social tier than he. The Ins and outs (not A Clockwork Orange olde In & Out) of their dodgy chronicle gets complicated, yet the two ended up serving God more than one another, although the penning of romantically sparkling letters endure as a testament to their IMMORTAL LOVE; proper love letter writing is a lost art (my final shallow take away)!

Henry VIII & Anne Boleyn

Third in line for the treacherous dynasty of My Bloody Valentine, is our corpulent boy (a fatso), Henry VIII and his headless paramour, Anne Boleyn. For your information, Anne went to the chopping block on May 19, 1536, on trumped-up charges of incest with her own brother. You may care to backup the tape a few years to see What`s It All About, Alfie?, or in other frothy frames of frozen English Gardens, Anne of a Thousand Days (a cinematic gem). Not to be forgotten, the very English Reformation itself is steely stone in our argumentative queen, who was princessly harbinger of women`s lib; a lady who wouldn`t be pushed around by a head-strong Henry!

Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette

Furthermore, these two lost their heads so that we in posterity might live in a democracy. Indeed, a high price to pay, but in the long run a worthwhile one. What did they do wrong, anyway? Not much really, but it can be said, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time (which is an understatement)! Did Marie ever say: Let Them Eat Cake! Probably not, but she may have uttered some such jab, which the quill-sharp ears of servants (The Third Estate) overheard. Louis helped the Americans to achieve independence in at least two ways. Marie`s visit to the guillotine on October 16, 1793 ends this affair for all time!

Liz & Dick

In our modern times, the romantic Fickle Finger of Fate Laurel Wreath goes to Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, who met and fell in love on the set of Cleopatra. This exactly bookends with my first entry of Deadly Coupling, and consummates the evenly woven chronicle of my amorous adventures of Cupidly barbs of circumspection. These bouncing passions of love/hate, marry,divorce, followed by re-marry are the two-hour spectacle of our play today. Who`s Afraid of Virginia Wolf? may be more biographical than fictitious fantasy of theatrical enthrallment, by way of thunderous argument and mug-charging.