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Published:October 16th, 2013 11:13 EST

Alison Gold's 'Chinese Food' Video Makes Rebecca Black's 'Friday' Seem Like Masterpiece!

By Robert Paul Reyes


"Courtesy of the tween-focused men who birthed Rebecca Black`s `Friday` comes Alison Gold, a 12-year-old singer whose goopy video for a song dubbed `Chinese Food` has racked up over 1.2 million YouTube views in a day."


Hollywood Reporter

Ark Music Factory, the evil minds behind Rebecca Black`s "Friday" video, have unleashed anther video  designed to hasten the unveiling of the Antichrist.

This video stars 12-year-old singer Alison Gold; don`t be deceived by her innocent angelic appearance. Tweens must sign a pact with the devil, and pay Ark Music Factory a pretty penny, for the privilege of starring in their demonic music videos.

The song starts with Alison bragging that after "ballin`, clubbin` and huggin," she`s worked up an appetite for Chinese food.

Let me get this straight: After balling (slang for having sexual intercourse), clubbing (shaking her groove thing in a night club) and hugging (embracing anonymous strangers), the precocious tween is ready to chill by partaking of some Chinese cuisine.

After a random act of vandalism, Alison knocks over a garbage can, she walks into a Chinese restaurant that`s seems to be operated by an Asian girl who can`t be over ten.

Alison proceeds to sing the praises of various items you will find in a typical Chinese restaurant menu.

At the restaurant Alison meets an adult dressed in a Panda suit, and the unlikely pair leave the restaurant and skip and frolic in a meadow.

The Panda later takes off his head at a tweens` slumber party, and surprise it`s Patrice Wilson, the freak who performed the rap interlude in the Rebecca Black video.

This middle-aged dude has a penchant for appearing in videos teeming with tween girls. Wilson raps in this video as well, while squinting his eyes. I guess that`s his racist way of paying homage to Asians for their delicious food.

Vanilla Ice has more street cred than Wilson; if there`s a God in heaven he will get lost in Compton, and never be heard from again.

Let me cut my review of this video short, suffice to say it sucks. You will feel like taking a shower, and then blowing your brains out after watching this auto-tuned travesty.

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