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Published:January 31st, 2014 10:21 EST

Robber Shoots Himself in the Testicles!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Portland police said Joseph Johnson and the victim, 32-year-old Jordan Merrell, lived in the same building and knew each other before the robbery.


According to Sgt. Pete Simpson, Johnson demanded property from Merrell during a confrontation in the parking lot behind their building and shot Merrell in the leg.

As Johnson ran from the scene, he shoved the gun into the front of his waistband and shot himself in the testicles, " Simpson said in a news release."


Officer to the ironically named Mr. Johnson: It that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Moron robber: It`s a gun, I done blowed up my Johnson!

It`s seldom that you read a crime story that has such a heartwarming and delightful ending. Johnson blew away his family jewels; the good citizens of Portland no longer have to worry about this idiot fathering any little criminals.

A police officer spotted Johnson taking to a woman, the suspect fell to the ground when he tried to run away. I guess it hasn`t dawned on Johnson that he no longer has anything to offer women.

This clueless bastard was booked into jail on assault and robbery charges.

Here is this creep`s mugshot:

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