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Published:December 16th, 2014 19:22 EST

Woman Claims Bill Cosby Drugged Her, Licked Her Toes in 2008! The Horror! The Horror!

By Robert Paul Reyes

Disclaimer: If you are about to eat a meal, I strongly advise you to read this column much later.


"A new sexual assault claim against Bill Cosby has surfaced from a woman who said she was drugged at the Playboy Mansion and woke to find the comedian licking and kissing her toes. The attack allegedly happened in 2008, which puts the claim within California`s statute of limitations for criminal charges.

Chloe Goins said she was 18 years old when she attended a party with a girlfriend at the famous Los Angeles home of Hugh Hefner. There, Goins said Hefner introduced the women to Cosby, who engaged them in conversation and allegedly gave them drinks.

Goins said Cosby escorted her to one of the mansion`s many bedrooms so she could rest, but she does not remember entering the bedroom. Goins said her next memory was waking up butt naked on a bed with a half-naked Cosby hunched over her, licking her toes and pleasuring himself."

The Hollywood Reporter

I`ve lost count, but I think this is the thousandth and one victim to allege that Bill Cosby drugged and raped her.

Imagine an 18-year-old girl regaining consciousness after being drugged and witnessing a butt-naked septuagenarian licking her toes and pleasuring himself. The horror, the horror! It`s a miracle Goins hasn`t committed suicide or completely lost her marbles.

The statute of limitations hasn`t expired, and Goins plans on making a full statement to the Los Angeles Police Department. Let`s keep our fingers and toes crossed that this decrepit toe-licking pervert will finally have to stand trial!

I have complete confidence in the veracity of the allegations that have been made against Bill Cosby thus far, but this one  sounds too weird to be true. (Although we shouldn`t underestimate the perversity of Cosby.)

It could be Cosby planted this story in an attempt to discredit his accusers!

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