October 29th, 2017 14:14 EST
It's National Cat Day!
Author Terry Pratchett once said, "In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this." Felines have the spark of divinity and we are overjoyed when they deign to pay us mere mortals any attention.
Our modern day religions have failed to meet our spiritual needs, maybe it`s time to worship cats like the Egyptians of old.
Catholicism is a patriarchal religion that condones pedophilia and misogyny, Evangelical Christianity`s infatuation with Trump has deprived it of all credibility, Americans love bacon too much to embrace Judaism, and of course with Islam there`s that kill infidels for Allah thing.
Now that I have offended the followers of every major religion, I assume that only enlightened souls who worship cats are still with me.
Today is National Cat Day, and we must cater to every whim of our feline masters, hmm, that`s pretty much every day for us.
Let`s use this supreme holiday to spread our faith: Tell your friends and neighbors who don`t own cats about the joys and pleasures of owning these divine creatures.
Adopt a kitty, it will change your life and save your soul!
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