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Published:February 12th, 2019 17:37 EST

Hell Will Freeze Over Before I Buy a Joe Biden Scented Candle

By Robert Paul Reyes

"What do Joe Biden scented candles smell like?

Certainly not Joe Biden, unless he walks around smelling like an orange all the time.


The $22 candles are the best-selling item at the Delaware History Museum in Wilmington, regularly selling out thanks to still-strong home state `Joementum` even nearly two years after the former vice president left office."

Delaware Online

Candles are romantic and they remind me of a simpler time, but I don`t buy any because I have a kitten whose hobby is knocking things over for the sheer hell of it.

But a Joe Biden scented candle isn`t evocative of romance and love, it conjures up images of decomposing corpses. I doubt you`ll see any Joe Biden scented candles at a brothel or a nightclub.

If a Joe Biden candle really smelled like its namesake, it would reek of an old man`s fart, Preparation H and soiled adult diapers.

Actually Joe Biden candles have the aroma of oranges; the only fruit I associate with Biden is a lemon.

I might plunk down a couple of bucks for a candle that smells like Tom Brady, I`m assuming that the legendary quarterback has the scent of his supermodel wife all over him. But hell will freeze over before I spend $22 for a candle that smells like Joe freaking Biden.

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